Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
