I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
