Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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