finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
