She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
