I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
