It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
