after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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