I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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