everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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