The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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