don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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