Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
