Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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