well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
