my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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