I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
