Im at strip club and am horny
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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