the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
