Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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