'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
