just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
