I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
