Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
