I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
