A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
