Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
