I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
