i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I stole a fireplace last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Still dying that you shit outside
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
