So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
