Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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