Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
