I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's Friday. Sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
