I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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