What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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