her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
