I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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