Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
