oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
