i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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