The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
