He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
