I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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