Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize