i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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