Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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