i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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