My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
