TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
