if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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