When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
