I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
