Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
