i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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