I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
