So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
