goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
