You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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