Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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