I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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