youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
