Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
