Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
