i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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