By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
