I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
