my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
