you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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