there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You left your phone here
Wait...
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