she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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