It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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