If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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