found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
