I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
