How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
