he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
